random late night babble....

So...I've been a mess for the past three days. I think its more so because I'm having separation anxiety from everyone within my cell...because....I CANT TEXT!! well I mean I can text...but I dont get anything back. I feel like I've been punished for loving to text. LOL...I know...this may seem crazy....but my close friends know me and know that texting is like...me.

So anyway...I've been talking to someone for a lil bit now. We've been online pals for a min....things have been always on a friendship level...and its still there. Yet I miss her....like...some kinda bad [as she would say]. Now we talk...flirt...just chill on the phone together like we are actually in each others presence. I can't pin point what it is about her that draws me closer and closer to her each day. Hours go by and i don't speak to her I feel like imma lose my mind.

Now...my texts have been on a fritz since friday afternoon. She and I text while we are at work...various times thro the day...before we call each other and such. Now that I am not able to do so...it's buggin me. I dont feel as connected as I have been the last few weeks we've been texting each other. Now don't get me wrong...I love talking to her. There are times where that is allll i want to do and shes told me that she feels the same way. I'm starting to feel needy and constantly wanting to hear her voice to make me feel that everything is still the same. You know...just to have the reassurance that...to make sure the thoughts and whatever feelings she has for me didn't change. Now call me a sap or what have you but communication is def a keypoint in getting to know someone esp if you are interested in them.

Things between us didn't start off this way. I honestly never thought it would be this way. I def find her attractive and the more and more I get to know the little things about her...and just speakin to her....makes me ever so anxious to meet her. It's insane.

She and I started off as friends [like i stated earlier in the begining of the blog]. I came across her page because she is a poet like myself. Read a few of her pieces she had posted up and of course left comments and then requested her as a friend simply because I wanted to keep up with her work. We spoke online from time to time but not on a regular. Then one day out of the blue she was online n hit me up...before that we hadnt chatted in maybe weeks. She gave me her # to keep in touch with her. So i hit her up. We became instant text buddies and then...I called her one night....for some reason I cant remember why. I was on my way home from a whack club @ 1.30 am on valentines day. I think previously we were chatting about actually speaking on the phone but we were both nervous to do so. lol. So I left her a long message...just rambling. I can't remember when we first spoke...but I do remember not wanting to get off the phone with her. We have been a 'hit' since.

Every conversation has been saturated in my brain and I want more of them. I'm itching to meet her but I want to make sure she feels the way eventho I feel she does...I just want to be sure. I'm not the type to push up on someone because I know how that feels. I just want to ride the wave and just see what happens. I let her know from time to time that I miss her and that she is on my mind and such[and she does the same with me]. I don't want to suffocate her....yet I don't want her to feel I've strayed. You feel me? She is just....different than anyone I have came in contact with. Altho I barely know her...I feel connected to her in more ways than I can explain. *sigh* I just dont want to lose touch with her...and I know I won't...I just get those thoughts and start to feel someway when I start to like someone. So I guess this is just natural fro me. She is the only one that i know of that is consistent as far as keeping her interest up. It's insane...and it makes my heart flutter. She is a mind blower...she is....multi talented beyond anyone i know....mmmm....she has been dubbed....my lullaby *smiles*

ha ha...This blog has been more about her than anything else....hm....but I feel good after writing this....thinkin about her....while shes sleepin her bed....missin u sweetheart....

sending this out to cyberspace....

been a min!!

man its been almost a month since i post. my apologies for those who come n check me out on here. ive been slacking but i kno that now i will keep up with it. almost forgot ALLL my necessary log in info here *gasp* lol...guess my old age is catching up to me. LOL....sooooo here is 2 current ones....hope you enjoy!!

2.7.09

fading

snap...the light switch
snap...your fingers
snap...your emotions
snap...your eyes

shut...from every form of reality
shut...from the beauty of ACTUAL realness
shut...from letting anything good come in

i never had the key
i never had the pass to free roam
i never had the interview
i never had the special meeting
i never had the 1st date
i never had you

i will always have 1st memories
1st conversations
1st nicknames
1st falling out
1st butterfly
1st smile
1st...feeling wanted
1st...feeling GOOD
1st...feeling loved
1st...feeling connected

you were my inkling
my hook line & sinker
my chip to my salsa
my oreo to my milk
the sugar in my sweet tea
the rainbow in my clear sky
the perfect beat along with my tight verse

ill forever remember you
ill forever hold you
ill forever miss you
until
we connect
again
----------------------------------------------------------------

2.23.09

she has...

her voice
eludes me
soothes me
moves my...
heart
into another
time
place
exsistence

she has captured
my mind
my attention
focus on anything else
is a distraction
and i cant help
but to be focused
on just words
conversation
relaxation

she has...
elated me
calmed me
dwelled....
in my heart & mind
continuously entertwining
thoughts
into verbal action
enticing me
eluding me....
makin me realize
there is beauty
in friendship
beauty
in conversation
beauty
in relaxing
to the
subtle tones within her voice

conversing with her...im taken back
to memory lane
remembering...
the butterflies
the anxious times
the tounge tied nights
being...verbally cajoled
apparently it doesnt take much
and yet all she did was
speak
sing
lull me...
into her world