been a min!!

man its been almost a month since i post. my apologies for those who come n check me out on here. ive been slacking but i kno that now i will keep up with it. almost forgot ALLL my necessary log in info here *gasp* lol...guess my old age is catching up to me. LOL....sooooo here is 2 current ones....hope you enjoy!!

2.7.09

fading

snap...the light switch
snap...your fingers
snap...your emotions
snap...your eyes

shut...from every form of reality
shut...from the beauty of ACTUAL realness
shut...from letting anything good come in

i never had the key
i never had the pass to free roam
i never had the interview
i never had the special meeting
i never had the 1st date
i never had you

i will always have 1st memories
1st conversations
1st nicknames
1st falling out
1st butterfly
1st smile
1st...feeling wanted
1st...feeling GOOD
1st...feeling loved
1st...feeling connected

you were my inkling
my hook line & sinker
my chip to my salsa
my oreo to my milk
the sugar in my sweet tea
the rainbow in my clear sky
the perfect beat along with my tight verse

ill forever remember you
ill forever hold you
ill forever miss you
until
we connect
again
----------------------------------------------------------------

2.23.09

she has...

her voice
eludes me
soothes me
moves my...
heart
into another
time
place
exsistence

she has captured
my mind
my attention
focus on anything else
is a distraction
and i cant help
but to be focused
on just words
conversation
relaxation

she has...
elated me
calmed me
dwelled....
in my heart & mind
continuously entertwining
thoughts
into verbal action
enticing me
eluding me....
makin me realize
there is beauty
in friendship
beauty
in conversation
beauty
in relaxing
to the
subtle tones within her voice

conversing with her...im taken back
to memory lane
remembering...
the butterflies
the anxious times
the tounge tied nights
being...verbally cajoled
apparently it doesnt take much
and yet all she did was
speak
sing
lull me...
into her world

where do i go now?

As a little girl I hoped Id find happiness without heart break. Little did I know that growing up you felt both. I dreamed of meeting that infamous ONE. The one that would make me eternally happy and we would have a family & grow old together. Many times I thought I found that ONE...instead it was a clouded version. Just about fake....

Ive been told that you have to go thro the good to get to the bad. Why does someone so good have to go thro so much heartache, pain, lonliness....so many tryin times? Why? I don't know and I know that I can't answer this. I know that life is a test...a journey...a trial. Thro the trials & tribulations we must remain strong....head held high & even a little smile on the face....

Right now I can't. I seem to be stuck in the middle of me. In understanding everything that shes goin thro & other things I know nothing about because the so called communication is severly lackin...I stay open minded and remember...that everything does happen for a reason. The distance def doesnt help. I am tryin to be the strong one & reach out...but if she doesnt reach back...there is nothing more I can do but anticipate her full arrival...if that happens.

I thought...once again that I found that...the one...the one that would unlock the door...the one that would wipe away from the haziness that keeps cloudin my eyes, heart & mind....the one that would lift the heaviness from my chest...the one that would keep me happy & we would be there for each other.

I think tooo much....I love too hard....I fall to fast....I love.....too easily...

The wound has reopended...

Im bleeding love...and there is no bandaid to stop the bleeding...