where do i go now?

As a little girl I hoped Id find happiness without heart break. Little did I know that growing up you felt both. I dreamed of meeting that infamous ONE. The one that would make me eternally happy and we would have a family & grow old together. Many times I thought I found that ONE...instead it was a clouded version. Just about fake....

Ive been told that you have to go thro the good to get to the bad. Why does someone so good have to go thro so much heartache, pain, lonliness....so many tryin times? Why? I don't know and I know that I can't answer this. I know that life is a test...a journey...a trial. Thro the trials & tribulations we must remain strong....head held high & even a little smile on the face....

Right now I can't. I seem to be stuck in the middle of me. In understanding everything that shes goin thro & other things I know nothing about because the so called communication is severly lackin...I stay open minded and remember...that everything does happen for a reason. The distance def doesnt help. I am tryin to be the strong one & reach out...but if she doesnt reach back...there is nothing more I can do but anticipate her full arrival...if that happens.

I thought...once again that I found that...the one...the one that would unlock the door...the one that would wipe away from the haziness that keeps cloudin my eyes, heart & mind....the one that would lift the heaviness from my chest...the one that would keep me happy & we would be there for each other.

I think tooo much....I love too hard....I fall to fast....I love.....too easily...

The wound has reopended...

Im bleeding love...and there is no bandaid to stop the bleeding...