she haunts me

10.13.08

she haunts me

i grip the pen
and scratch the paper
as thoughts & images float thro my mind
visions of you smiling
hearing your laughter in my mind
tho its been months since ive seen you
months since ive heard your voice
i still remember the 1st day
as well as the last day
i still remember our first convo
as well as our last one
yet my heart yearns for more
and i dont kno why
my heart yearns for your embrace
your kiss
a conversation
a stare
something to let me kno i have a connection with you...
but it wont happen...
yet all the while i think im no one
a nobody
a mere fantasy
someone you wanted
and when reality hit
you couldnt handle it
so you pushed away the dream
swallowed poison
and walked away

harsh words
cold thoughts
empty heart
empty stare
meaningless words were fed to me
yet i still believed that...
you still loved me
you still cared
and...you would come back

sometimes i wonder
if waiting around is worth it
sometimes i wonder
if lingering on past memories is worth it
sometimes i wonder
if i was ever real to you
sometimes i wonder
if i meant anything to you

why do i keep writing about you
why do i keep thinkin about you
i dont know...
i just know that ive tried to let go
and ive tried to show
that i didnt care
and put on that fake stare
but i cant
and i wont
because it all needs to fall away
and i need to push away
thoughts
sounds
and anything that links me to you
because
i have to
move on